


Comfortably Numb

by KitsuShel



Category: Twilight, Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 03:10:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitsuShel/pseuds/KitsuShel
Summary: After having his heart ripped out, Edward is just beginning to become comfortably numb when life throws him a curveball. In walks a fiery brunette that turns his world upside down.





	1. Comfortably Numb

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time putting any of my stories up here on Ao3. I don't know if I'll ever have the time to bring over all of them, but I figured I'd start with this one, it's one of my favorite undertakings. The first chapter was originally written back in 2011 as a feature on a site called The Southern FanFiction Review for their weekly Tantalizing Tuesday post. It really helped me grow and break out of my smut awkwardness, lol. Thanks for reading!
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11632074@N03/31794821227/in/dateposted-public/)  
>   
> 
> 
> Chapter Song: [Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FrOQC-zEog)

**~O.o.O~**

It’s dark inside the room; only the moonlight filters in, just how I like it. The lithe body beneath me twists and shifts, but I can’t allow that. I can’t see her face, because if I do, it’s all over. If she turns, and I catch a glimpse of her identity, I know my erection will be lost. That can’t happen; I need the release. I slap her on the ass, causing a squeal and an overeager shake of her bottom.

It’s obvious from her movements that this position isn’t the best for her, so I reach for her hips and pull her up to her knees, pounding into her from behind. I may be using her for my pleasure, but she’s a willing participant, and I’d be a heel if I didn’t make this good for her as well.

I can tell by the way she bucks against me that she’s fully into it now. I lean forward and twist some of her long blonde hair around my wrist, pumping deeper inside her pussy.

“Fuck,” I growl, bringing my leg up to get a better angle.

Shit, I wish I could remember her name. Janet? Jordan? Jessica? Jenny! That’s it. At least I think it is.

This can work; this will work. All I need to do is picture the face I need—her ice blue eyes and full lips—and I’ll be fine. I feel Jenny start shake around me, so I speed up, bringing her over the edge as I empty inside the condom I’m wearing.

Resting my head against the small of her back, I try to take slow and steady breaths to calm my racing heart. The girl underneath of me sighs and arches her back, pressing against me intimately.

“That was completely awesome, Edward,” she giggles. “We should definitely get together again.”

The sound of Jenny’s high-pitched and squeaky voice—so much different from hers—makes my stomach turn. Immediately, the familiar shame assaults me, and I feel sick to my stomach, just like every other time. Every single time I do this—find a girl who’s similar enough to her and get my rocks off—I’m haunted by memories for days afterward. Recoiling from the aftermath of what I’ve done, I make a hasty exit and get the hell out of Dodge.

Once I’m home, I strip and stand under a scalding hot shower, hoping to scrub away my latest sins. She’ll never be mine again—she may not have ever been mine in the first place. I need to come to terms with that eventually. Preferably sooner, rather than later.

**~O.o.O~**

Another night, another bar. At least this time I’ve lasted almost three months. No one but my best friend, Jasper, knows my obsession for hunting women with long, blonde hair like my ex-girlfriend. I know he’s worried about where my head is; I can’t say that I blame him.

Every time I come here, I swear it’ll be the last, but something about tonight sets off a tingle in my fingers, like something momentous is going to happen. I nod to the bartender, a friend named James, and I briefly scan the crowd on the small, makeshift dance floor. I spot a few potential choices, but my gaze is struck by a petite brunette dancing with an even smaller girl with short, spiky, black hair. 

Something about the way she moves makes me want to step up behind her and rest my hands on her hips. I watch as she throws back her head and laughs, a smile lighting up her entire face. A spike of desire shoots through my chest, stunning me. I’d never felt such an instant attraction to any woman other than- I close my eyes and breathe in deeply through my nose; I can’t let myself think her name. 

James snickers behind me as he sets my beer on the counter. I turn to look at him, and he jerks his head toward my previous line of sight. 

“I thought brunettes weren’t your thing, Eddie?” he taunts with a good-natured smile. I can’t help but smirk and eye the brunette again.

“Sometimes life throws you a curveball, Jim,” I toss over my shoulder as I beeline my way to the girl who’s entranced me from across the room.

Her tiny friend catches my eye and gives me a wicked smile before backing away, allowing me access to her friend. My hands slide over her hips, stepping close to her back. Something about it feels right. She immediately stiffens and turns her head.

“I don’t normally dance with strangers,” she speaks, just loud enough for me to hear. Her voice is sweet and sultry.

“If you allow me to introduce myself, then that won’t be a problem, now will it?” I lean down to whisper in her ear, letting my lips brush her skin there ever so gently.

She shivers and reaches around to thread her fingers through my hair, yanking my ear roughly to her lips.

“I’m Bella.”

Her voice echoing in my ear sets my blood afire.

“Edward,” I reply curtly. “Now about that dance...?”

She laughs, and I swear my dick is trying to bust through the zipper of my jeans. Bella presses her back against my chest and starts to sway to the music. After a few minutes of that position, I turn her in my arms and am immediately captivated by the deepest brown eyes I’ve ever seen. Her mouth is small and pouty, the bottom lip just a bit larger than the top. 

She bites the bottom one lightly, and my hand reaches up to cup her cheek, freeing the tortured skin with my thumb. I pull her close and lean down once again. 

“Would you rather I bite it for you?” I whisper in my most seductive voice. 

There’s an immediate reaction. Her eyes widen and her tongue darts out to lick her lips, brushing my thumb as well. She reaches up and wraps her hands around the back of my neck, bringing our faces closer. 

“Be careful, Edward,” she says softly. “I think that between us, I’m more likely to be the biter.”

To emphasize her point, she presses her mouth to mine, nibbling on my bottom lip with her teeth lightly. And that’s all it takes for my control to be shot to hell. Her hair is silky soft as I bury my hands in it, kissing her as if my life depended on it. Her mouth opens slightly and there’s barely any tongue action going on, but this is seriously the hottest kiss I’ve ever experienced. 

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I’m beginning to realize that this girl will turn my life upside down in a very good way. For a brief moment, blue eyes and blonde hair cross my mind, and I immediately feel guilty. 

Why? I have no fucking idea. Is it because I’m deviating from system? Or is it because this girl, whom I’ve only known for about fifteen minutes, deserves so much better than me? All I know for certain is that the guilt definitely isn’t for the bitch who slept with my brother while we were still together. The bitch I still love. Maybe it’s my own heart I feel bad for; it’s tattered and torn, but I have no idea how to fix it. 

As if sensing my mind is elsewhere, Bella pulls back and her eyes dart between mine. She shakes her head nervously and covers her mouth with a hand. 

“I am so sorry,” she said. “This—the kissing and rubbing up on you—it’s not me. I thought- I can’t- I’m so sorry.” She ends in a whisper, and her eyes well up with tears before she turns and darts into the crowd. 

I’m frozen to the spot, watching as Bella walks away. Even though I’ve just been having similar thoughts, all of the air leaves my body and I can’t breathe. I need to have her back in my arms. I watch, still immobile, as she stops at a table where her friend is now sitting with a redhead. Raven, as I’m now apparently calling her friend in my head, looks over at me and shoots me a sad smile before hugging Bella. 

When I see her make her way to the exit, I find the will to move my feet. I can’t let her disappear. I catch up with her just as she steps out into the cool Seattle night air. 

“Bella, wait!” I call out. 

A sigh escapes my throat when she stops, her arms wrapped around her torso. She turns and eyes me warily. There’s nothing I can say, so I step up to her and kiss her deeply. She freezes for a moment, but quickly wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me back. 

“Come home with me,” I whisper boldly. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to you.” 

There’s a war going on inside her. I can see nameless emotions cross her face, her brow furrowed in thought. I plead with my eyes, hoping she can see just how much I mean what I’m saying. She straightens her shoulders, determination sweeping over her, and nods. 

“Okay,” she whispers.

We hail a cab and climb into it. I ramble off my address to the driver, suddenly nervous. I’ve never had a woman in this apartment, unless you count my mother and Aunt Carmen. I’ve lived there just about ten months now. After coming home from work to find my girlfriend and my brother in bed together, I turned around and left. Well, after beating the shit out of my older and larger brother. It helped that, in his guilt, he just stood there and never fought back. I crashed in my old room at my parent’s house and went back to the apartment the next day to pack up my stuff, while she was at work. 

My mom and dad were appalled at Emmett’s behavior and refused to let him in the door for the two months it took me to get my shit together, find a new apartment, and leave their house. The first time I walked into my new home, I swore that I’d never bring over any woman ever again. 

Now, here I am, breaking not one, but two of my rules. Although sleeping with women that allow me to live in my fantasies of the person who destroyed my heart is more of a predilection as opposed to a rule. 

We pull up in front of my building, and I pay the cabbie. Taking a deep breath, I step out and reach for Bella’s hand, offering to help her out. She gives me a shy smile and nervously plays with her hair. These small actions bolster my confidence and somehow I just know this is the right call, even though there’s a small voice in the back of my head, taunting me with my past. 

The elevator pings as we reach the fifth floor, and I lead us to my door. After unlocking it, I step inside and flip on the light, not remembering if it looked like a pigsty when I left earlier. Thankfully, it isn’t, and I give Bella a brief tour. I leave my bedroom for last and can’t help but smirk as her wide eyes take in my king size bed. 

“Holy shit,” she laughs. “I think your bed is bigger than my kitchen.” 

Her laugh sends a thrill down my spine. I’ve never heard anyone laugh like that, as if pure joy is escaping her soul. It’s the same laugh that pulled me to her earlier tonight. 

Bella slides off her shoes, wiggling her toes into the plush gold carpet. She turns and gives me a coy smile, all trace of nerves gone now. She walks up and kisses me swiftly before slowly backing away a few steps. Suddenly, she turns and runs across the room, launching herself onto my bed with a fit of giggles. 

My erection has been at half-mast since we left the bar, but watching this woman roll around playfully in my bed has brought it back to life in full force. Once again, I’m struck with thoughts of how Bella is the polar opposite of _her_. 

I don’t want those thoughts intruding on my time with Bella. I only have tonight, and I’m damned well going to take my time. I sit on the edge of the bed and return the smile she sends my way. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes breathlessly. “I couldn’t resist.” 

I move closer and lean down, hovering above her side to brush my nose against her cheek.

“I know the feeling,” I whisper, just before brushing my lips against hers. 

Nibbling on her upper lip, I press my hips into hers, letting her feel how hard I am. Her head is thrown back into the pillows as she gasps, threading her fingers through my hair. I slide my hands down her sides and slowly push her shirt up, revealing a black lace bra. She arches her back as I reach underneath to unclasp the hooks. Once her breasts are free, I take my time, cupping and suckling each in turn. Bella’s incredibly passionate and responsive, which turns me on even more than I already was. 

Needing to feel more of her, I rise up and pull her onto my lap, cupping the back of her head and kissing her hard. I pull the shirt over her head and toss it, along with her bra, to the floor. Her hips grind into my lap, and I can’t help myself as I shove her roughly back onto the bed, unzipping and tearing her jeans down her legs. Gazing at her supple body in wonder, I’m struck breathless by this beautiful, naked woman writhing in front of me. 

“Edward,” she moans in a deep, sexy voice. “You have too many clothes on.” 

She’s totally right. 

More swiftly than I thought physically possible, I’m standing next to my bed, naked and stroking my hard cock as she eyes me hungrily. She crooks her finger in a “come hither” motion and I slowly crawl toward her, prowling like a panther. She bites her bottom lip, and all I want to do is bite it for her. Instead, I opt to rain soft kisses across her belly, dipping my tongue into her navel before trailing down to the apex of her thighs. 

The moment my tongue lightly touches her clit, a shudder rips through her body, giving me all the incentive I need to go to town. I slide one finger into her warmth, quickly adding another, as I alternate between licking and sucking on her clit. Her hips come off the bed, and I feel like a fucking rock star. 

“Oh, God,” she moans. “Oh, fuck. Fuck, yes.” 

She’s the quietest woman I’ve ever slept with. I used to equate a good fuck with how high the girl’s decibels went, but with Bella, I’m finding that less is more. 

I play with her body, bringing her right to edge but not letting her fall over the precipice. 

“Edward, please,” she whispers desperately. 

“What, baby? What do you want?” I glance up to see her brown eyes burning wild with desire. 

“You.” 

The quiet fire in her voice unhinges me. Suddenly, everything is a blur until I’m lying flat on my back, her undulating her hips above me, as I’m burying my cock deep inside of her. Her knees press into the sides of my hips as she pushes down hard against me. She’s hot and wet, and I’m wondering just how long I’ll be able to last before I blow my load. 

And I’m not wearing a condom. The thought freezes me in my tracks. I can guarantee I’m clean; I’ve never fucked without wrapping my Johnson. But I know nothing about this girl. The last thing I need in my fucked up life is to knock up a one night stand. 

“Shit,” I whisper, stilling her movements by grasping her hips. 

She pulls back and looks down at me with confusion written across her face. “What?” she asks nervously.

I swallow and shift our hips so that my erection slides out of her, plopping against my hip. 

“Protection,” I reply softly. 

“Oh!” she squeals, sitting upright. Her eyes widen and her cheeks blush with embarrassment. “Shit,” she murmurs. “I can’t believe I got so caught up.” 

My dick is going limp, and I need to break through the awkwardness.

“It’s okay,” I replied with a touch a humor, waggling my eyebrows. “I know I’m irresistible.” 

Just as I’d hoped, she laughs and slaps me lightly on the chest. She eases herself backward, so that she’s kneeling between my open legs. 

“Do you have any condoms?” she asks. 

I nod, rolling over slightly to reach into my night table drawer, and pull one out. She takes it from my hand and tears it open with her teeth. Leaning down, her hair falls forward and obscures her from my view. I’m taken by surprise when her tongue runs along the length of my shaft. 

“Fuck,” I grunt, my eyes rolling into the back of my head briefly. 

Reaching forward, I gather up her hair in my hands and hold it off to the side. She glances up at me, her eyes dark as her mouth works my cock. The fact that she doesn’t seem to mind sucking me off while her own taste is still on me makes the urge to shoot into her mouth almost impossible to ignore. I need to take some control back in this situation, so I pull on her hair, gently enough not to hurt her, but strong enough that she knows I mean business. 

“Get up here,” I growl. 

She smirks up at me, slowly making her way up my body. I yank the condom from her hand and quickly sheath myself before flipping her onto her back. Nestling in between her legs, I sink in deeply with one stroke. It’s not long before she’s gasping and whining as I pound into her. I can feel that we’re both getting close, but I don’t want it to end. For the first time in so long, it isn’t about getting off while thinking of someone else. It’s about the girl I’m with and enjoying how she feels. 

It’s not enough; I want to feel more. 

I lean back slightly and hook one of her legs on my thigh before shifting so that she’s on her side in somewhat of a scissored position. I want to fuck her hard and fast, but I can’t in this position. I’m too deep, and it would probably hurt her. And for some reason, I care about this girl. 

I grip her leg and stretch it into the air, gently kissing the arch of her feet as she squirms beneath me. I feel her muscles start to tighten, and her body quakes beneath me. Realizing she’s just as close to orgasm as I am , I let my hand caress down her thigh until I reach where we’re joined. I rub my thumb against her clit, and she starts to mewl wantonly. I feel myself falling over the edge just as she calls out my name, her inner muscles spasm around me. 

Collapsing breathlessly beside her, my entire body aches from exertion. I know I’ll be hurting in the morning, but it was so worth it. I lift my ass just enough to pull down the covers and shift underneath, when I notice her begin to fidget. 

“Do you-” she stutters slightly, her voice small and nervous. “Should I go?” 

If this was any other night with a random blonde, I’d say yes in a heartbeat. But for some reason, I can’t bring myself to let her go, so I shake my head and offer her a spot under the blanket. She curls up with her back against my chest and sighs. 

“Goodnight, Edward,” she whispers sleepily.

“Goodnight, Bella,” I reply as I lay a kiss on the top of her head. This has been more intimate than any other sexual encounter I’ve had in my life, and I don’t even know her. I only know that her name is Bella and she has the cutest laugh and a great sense of humor. I know that I can’t let her leave without having some way to find her again. Because there will be a next time; I can guarantee it. 

**~O.o.O~**  



	2. Eyes On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11632074@N03/31794821227/in/dateposted-public/)  
>    
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: [Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAxCqlU-OAo)

 

**_~O.o.O~_ **

 

As I slowly awaken, the early morning sun shines brightly in my eyes. Groaning, I turn to bury my face in a pillow, but I immediately freeze when I brush up against a soft, warm body. I’m not used to waking up beside a one-night stand, and I’m briefly confused before last night comes crashing back into my mind.

Bella.

As sappy as it may sound, just the thought of her sends my heart racing. The feel of her lips, the touch of her hand, the softness of her skin—these memories only make me hungry for more. Last night was one of the greatest sexual experiences of my life, but at the same time, it scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to get in too deep with this girl, other than my dick inside her. 

My last attempt at a relationship completely altered my views on women. There are only two good ones in this world, my mother and my sister; all the rest can go to hell. The sting of that heartbreak, still alive and strong today, serves as a reminder of why I swore off dating, instead only using women for pleasure. I’m not a complete Lothario; they always know my views beforehand, and I’m always damned sure to make it just as pleasurable for them.

I shift up on my elbow and gaze down at the beauty sprawled on the left side of my bed. I need to find a way to keep her at arm’s length, yet still be able to touch her, taste her. It can’t be anything more than sex, but I know that I can’t let her go. The conundrum weighs heavily upon me. 

Putting it out of my mind for now, I run my hands slowly down her body, leaning forward to gently kiss the nape of her neck. She moans and arches into my chest, spurring my morning wood into a full-fledged hard-on. With that one little sound, everything flies out of my head, except the intense need to feel Bella writhing underneath me. 

Her body twists, turning so that she can capture my lips in a searing kiss. Her taste is as exhilarating right now as it was last night. I’ve never been into the intimacy of kissing, but with Bella, I can’t get enough. It astounds me and shakes me to my very core. I close my eyes and try to picture blonde hair and blue eyes, but the memory evades me as I feel Bella’s body pressed against mine. This hasn’t happened in so long; I feel exhilarated. 

One of her legs lifts and wraps around my waist, pressing her wet heat against my cock. With a half cry, half moan swallowed by her mouth, I flip her onto her back and grind against her. Soon, I’m at the point where all I want is to be buried inside of her, so I pull back and gaze down at her after reaching onto my night table for a condom. Her eyes are heavy and dark, inviting me closer with a sultry wink. 

I ease into her slowly, leaning down to lick and nibble on her full, moist lips. I stroke in and out, slowly and deeply, pressing my pelvis against hers with each movement. Even though I’ve only fucked her once last night, I feel like I know this girl’s body so well. Like, I know that if I keep up this slow and steady pace, she’ll soon get annoyed and become more demanding. That’s exactly what I want and it’s exactly what I get. 

Bella grips my hair roughly and pulls my mouth away from the skin it was previously sucking on. Her eyes are blazing with desire and frustration.  

“Are you going to fuck me, or what?” she replies, her voice husky with desire and left-over sleepiness. 

Smirking, I grip her hips tightly and roll over so that she’s on top. I sit up and stand, my dick never leaving it’s warm home. One day, if I ever speak with my brother again, I might just thank him for instilling a strong work-out ethic in me, which helped create some fantastic upper body strength.

Bella wraps her legs around my hips, hooking her calves behind my ass, and grins as I walk the few steps across the room before depositing her on my bureau. 

“My, my,” she teases in a soft voice. “I bet that comes in rather handy.”

I don’t want to think about any of my other conquests while I’m with her. I don’t want to think about anything at all. I push her back until she’s resting against the mirror, and I start fucking her deep and hard. I reach out and cup the back of her neck, turning her face to see us in the mirror. 

“Is this want you want?” I grunt, never breaking my pace. “You want to be fucked, right? Well, I’m gonna fuck you, and you’re going to watch what I do to your body.”

She shudders and moans, the sound going straight to my already rock-hard cock. I pound her harder and faster, until the bureau is shaking, and shit is falling to the floor. But I can’t give a flying fuck about any of it. I feel like I’m a freight train, speeding through a tunnel, where the opposite end is nirvana. 

Our eyes meet in the mirror, and I can feel the pull in my gut. I’m about to bust a nut, but she needs to come first. My pride will be wounded if she doesn’t, so I let go of her neck and reach down to firmly rub her clit. She gasps and pulls me against her tighter with her legs. I can feel her tighten around me, and I know she’s done. Well, at least I hope she is. If not, she’s going to be mighty disappointed.

After a few more strokes, I feel the rush of adrenaline course through my system as I literally see stars from how hard I’m coming. My knees start to shake, and I collapse as lightly as I can manage against her torso, trying not to crush her small frame. Her fingers run lazily through my hair, and it feels so natural, soothing. She starts to shift underneath me and I realize that fuck, this position can’t be comfortable for her with the way she’s leaning against the mirror.

Sheepishly, I stand, my limp cock plopping against my leg with a wet sound, adding awkward tension to the room. 

“Sorry,” I mumble as I help her to her feet.

She smiles sweetly and winks. “S’okay, you’ve had a vigorous workout.”

I’m sweaty and sticky, so a shower is definitely in order. “Interested in sharing a shower?”

Surprise and another emotion I can’t decipher cross her face before she shakes her head.

“No, you go on ahead. I need a minute to regroup.”

I feel a little apprehensive about leaving a strange woman alone in my bedroom, but something about Bella puts me at ease.

Stepping under the hot spray, I turn and let the water beat against my back, easing out any lingering tension from our morning romp. Flashes of taking her on my bureau cross my mind and I’m hard once again. 

What is it about this girl that I can’t get enough of? I need to get my shit together, and fast. I wonder if she’ll seriously consider friends with benefits? Or better yet, just the benefits part? We could be on call for each others needs and desires, but not have to deal with any of the relationship bullshit. If there’s anything I know, it’s that I’m never tying myself to another woman in any way, shape, or form. 

I swallow and press my forehead against the cool tiles. Life shouldn’t be so stressful. I need a fucking vacation or something—some place far away where I can empty my mind of all this crap. Steeling my resolve, I rinse off and wrap a towel around my waist. 

I step out into the bedroom, and a sudden wave of apprehension hits me in the chest. The bed is made, and nothing looks out of place except that the room is void of a beautiful, naked woman.

“Bella?” I call out, dread lacing through my veins. Nothing but silence.

Even though it’s futile, I walk out into the living room to see if maybe she’s just exploring my home. No such luck. Tears sting my eyes, and I’m not sure why. She’s just a girl—one of many one-night stands, but I feel an indescribable loss.

This wasn’t how I wanted this to turn out. I honestly don’t know what exactly I do wish had happened, but her sneaking out like a thief in the night isn’t it.

I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head. Fuck this.  _ She _ chose to leave, end of story.  I’m not going to sit around and mope like a teenage girl over this. Just as I turn to storm out of the kitchen, a piece of paper on the counter catches my eye.

The feminine handwriting jumps off of the page, and the hope that springs up in my chest is hard to stamp down. 

 

_ Dear Edward, _

_ I’m sorry for sneaking out on you like this, but I didn’t want to make this any more awkward than it had to be. Thank you so much for last night. It was one of the best of my life. Why did I leave like I did? Well, that answer is a bit more complicated than I care to get into, I’m sorry to say.  _

_ To put it quite simply, I had a really shitty day yesterday, and I needed to feel wanted and desirable. You accomplished that beautifully, and for that I will always be thankful. This morning, after our second round, you had this look on your face like you wanted more than these moments, and I have nothing but last night to give. _

_I could be completely wrong, and I kind of hope I am. That way you won’t be disappointed about this. Again, I’m sorry, and I wish you all the best._  

_ Bella _

 

 

Motherfucker. Fury sweeps over me, and I crush the paper, throwing it across the room. Fucking gutless, little whore couldn’t even tell me this shit to my face? What kind of fucking person sneaks out while the person who fucked them is in the shower?

My stomach drops, and I sink to my knees. Me. I’m that kind of person who fucks and ducks. It’s my just desserts, right? To finally feel a connection with someone after so long, only to have her find me not worth it.

I’m done with this shit. I took a chance last night and I thought it might have been a turning point for me, but I guess I was wrong. No more breaking my rules. I’m better off that way; this just proves it.

**_~O.o.O~_ **


	3. She's Long Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11632074@N03/31794821227/in/dateposted-public/)  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: [She's Long Gone by The Black Keys](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC-BAxy3PoI)

******~O.o.O~**

_*ring*_

_*ring*_

Fuck. Who the hell is calling me—I glance at the clock—ten minutes before I’m ready to walk out the door?

_*ring*_

“Edward Cullen,” I speak into the receiver tersely.

“Ed, my man!” the voice of my best friend calls out, bringing a genuine smile to my face.

Jasper Whitlock has been like my brother for the past twenty years, ever since we met in grade school. In fact, he’ll legally become my brother-in-law in six months, when he marries my little sister, Alice.

“Jazz! What’s up, man?”

“I got my promotion! Allie’s out of town for the weekend, and I want you to come celebrate with me.”

I grin, happy for my best friend. He works like a dog, and it’s about time he finally got some recognition.

“Dude, congratulations! That sounds awesome. When and where?”

“Are you getting ready to head out? How about twenty minutes at Full Moon?”

Thinking of the last time I’d gone to Full Moon for drinks, my mood suddenly sours. I hadn’t been back there since I met Bella. Fuck, I wasn’t going to let my shitty mood interfere with Jasper’s celebration.

“Sounds good, man. I’ll meet you in twenty.”

**~O.o.O~**

Stepping back into this place brings with it a rush of apprehension, as well as misguided hope. Would she be here? If she was, would she even acknowledge me? Damn if I wasn’t still pissed off at how she left, but me of all people got where she was coming from. I was a one-night fuck. And what a fuck it’d been.

Shaking those thoughts off, I make my way to the bar where Jazz is sitting and chatting with the bartender. I’ve known James for years, and when he catches sight of me, I can see his eyes light up and I steel myself for whatever ribbing he’s about to throw my way.

“Eddie-o! Nice to see you back, brother. Did the brunette throw you off-track?”

Jasper turns to me and raises an eyebrow in surprise. “Brunette?”

I shrug and hang my jacket on the back of my chair. “She was a’ight.” I try to play it down, but Jasper knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I know he isn’t going to let that slide.

When James wanders away to help other customers, Jazz turns on me swiftly. He suddenly reminds me of my sister when she smells good gossip in the air. That shit’s scary.

“Okay, spill.”

“What are you talking about?” I feign nonchalance.

“You know what the fuck I’m talking about, Edward,” he replies, annoyance coloring his voice.

I sigh and figure it’s better to get it over with instead of ruining his night by being stoic.

“Long story short, I met a girl. I took her home. I had the best sex of my life, and she bailed on me while I was in the shower the next morning.”

Jasper blinks several times as he tries to digest what I’ve just admitted.

“This was the brunette?”

I nod.

“You took her home?”

I nod again.

“To _your_ home?”

I sigh in exasperation. “Yes, Jasper. I took her to my home. We fucked twice that night, and once in the morning. While I was in the shower, she left a Dear John note, thanking me.”

“Huh,” he murmurs before taking a swig of his beer.

“What do you mean, ‘Huh’?”

He shakes his head. “I just don’t know what to make of it—of any of it. You completely went out of your comfort zone, not only picking up a brunette, but bringing her back to your place. What prompted this change of heart, or libido in this case?”

I roll my eyes and down my whiskey. Leave it to fucking Jasper to want to analyze this shit. It’s not like I’d talk to anyone else about my, erm, predilection for blondes, but it’s annoying to hear him ask the same questions I’ve already been asking myself.

“I don’t know, Jazz. There was just,” I pause, trying to gather my thoughts, “something about her. I was drawn like a moth to a flame. Would you believe I was actually pissed that she fucked and ducked on me?”

I grimace and motion to James for a refill. When he’s gone again, I turn to Jasper and he’s quietly watching me, like he’ll find the answer written on my face.

“This is kinda big, Ed,” he says in a serious, low voice.

I sigh and scrub my hand across my face. “Fuck, I know. I can’t stop thinking about her and how she felt in my hands. I don’t know her last name or if she’d even want me to find her. I mean, it was she who left the ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ note.”

“If this didn’t have you in knots, I’d almost say it was a good thing. You haven’t been this passionate about something since—”

“Don’t,” I growl, interrupting him. “Don’t even say her name.”

He sighs, almost as if he’s disappointed. “Man, you’re never going to be able to heal if you don’t let her go.”

I shoot him an incredulous look. “What the fuck are you talking about?! I let her go, I’m done with her slutty ass. Emmett can have her.”

“Emmett’s not with her; he never was” he says quietly, almost in a whisper.

My stomach twists painfully. In all the time that’s passed since I walked in on my brother fucking my girlfriend, I’ve never let anyone plead his case—never listened to his side of the story. He was in my bed, fucking my girlfriend, what more is there? It was the ultimate betrayal, and I remained adamant that I never wanted to see his face again. I know it broke my mother’s heart and put my family in bad position, but I can’t face him—not yet.

“How about we change the subject?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s your night, let’s have some fun.”

Thirty minutes and a half-assed game of pool later, we’re half-way to shit-faced. It’s good thing neither of us have to work in the morning. As I’m leaning over for my final shot, I feel a small hand caress my lower back, and I’m instantly transported back to that night over a month ago, with the writhing brunette underneath me.

I’m slightly drunk and optimistically hoping that it’s Bella standing behind me. No such luck. A tall, buxom blonde leans in dramatically and says something about a cue. The words are fuzzy, and her voice is too husky for me to understand what she’s saying.

“What?”

She leans up against my chest forwardly and strokes my cheek with her finger. “Why don’t you come home with me, and I’ll show you what I can do with your stick?”

I’ve never been fond of girls this forward. I’ve only ever taken one up on her offer, and she was the one who shredded my heart. I gently extract myself from her grip, taking a step back.

“No thanks.”

She pouts, and it looks ridiculous. “Why not, baby? I could rock your world.”

I’m not gonna lie; I’m a man, and I briefly consider the offer. The idea of burying my cock in a warm pussy is a welcome thought, but the idea of doing it with _this_ girl makes my balls want to shrivel up into my body.

Brown eyes suddenly flash in my head, and I blink them away.

“Again, thanks for the offer, but I’ll have to decline.”

She smiles and licks her red lips. “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s your loss, mister.” She smirks and saunters back to a table full of girls, who immediately break out in giggles.

Completely befuddled, I turn back to find Jazz staring at me intently.

“What?”

He smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing. I just think you’re further along than you think.”

“Further along than what? What the fuck are you rambling on about, brother?” I’m tired and annoyed at this point.

He walks over and claps me on the shoulder. “Forget it, Ed. How about we get out of here? I think I’m done for the night.”

**~O.o.O~**

I get home and silently make my way into the bedroom. Jasper’s last comments at the bar are still weighing heavily on my mind. I’m practically sober now, my buzz having died down. I flip on the light and empty my pockets onto my bureau. I place my hand flat on the wood and breathe deeply as I recall fucking Bella on top of it.

Jasper’s words come back into my head. Further along than I think? Further along than what? For some reason, that comment is really bothering me. It dawns on me that he was probably referring to getting over my ex, which opens a floodgate of emotion I’d rather keep bottled up.

Could that really be the case? Could I honestly be ready to move past that part of my life and start fresh? Too many unnamed emotions assault me at once and I want nothing more than to clear my head. I strip down to my boxers and flop down onto the bed, taking in the floral scent still on my pillows, a memento of my night with Bella. Fucking masochist that I am, I haven’t been able to bring myself to change the sheets.

Steeling my resolve, I jump up and strip the bed and head to the laundry room. I quickly stuff in the sheets and pillow cases, adding detergent before I can change my mind. A part of me aches for the loss of this connection with my brown-eyed girl, but another part of me is proud for trying to start fresh.

Time would only tell if I could actually move forward, though.

 

**~O.o.O~**


	4. No Light, No Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11632074@N03/31794821227/in/dateposted-public/)  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: [No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGH-4jQZRcc)

 

**~O.o.O~**

 

Moving forward is easier said than done. When my mother called earlier this week and asked that I come for a visit this weekend, my first instinct was to make up an excuse. In the year since I’d moved out of my parent’s house, I think I visited them twice. First I blamed settling into a new place, and then I began to throw the blame on work. In reality, the first was a valid reason, the second not so much. I have a great job; it’s an easy-going and peaceful environment.

My mother is a very perceptive woman, and I’m sure she knows the real reason why I stay away. I know it’s not fair to her, having her children at odds with each other, my not being able to stand being in the same room as Emmett. Even though she’s never said the words, her eyes have told me that she doesn’t understand how I can’t forgive him yet. She’s never been in this situation before, so how on earth could she understand? The mental image of my mother walking in on my father balls-deep in her sister’s snatch sends a sudden shudder through my body. That’s the only way she’d ever really understand.

I know sooner or later I’ll need to work past that, but for now, I’m fine with pretending he doesn’t exist. That’s a kind of betrayal that will never fully be reconciled. I honestly don’t even know if I want to bother. Fuck, I can’t lie to myself; I miss my big brother. I miss his blunt honesty and childish charm. I’m fucking bitter and angry and still completely torn up over this. How could he do it to me—to his “baby bro”? The answers I need can only come from Emmett, but I just can’t bring myself to go there yet.

As I pull up in front of the house, I let out a huge sigh. Mom had promised that Em was out of town this weekend, so there was no chance of his showing up if he knew I’d be here. He did that the last time I agreed to visit. He wanted so desperately to talk to me, but I walked out without a word. Mom called every day for a week straight to apologize, but it wasn’t her fault—it was my baby sister’s.

Alice was the youngest and thus spoiled magnificently by all of us. Which has given her this sense of entitlement—if she says it’s so, it should be so. She wanted me to talk to Emmett, and I continued to refuse so she took matters into her own hands. I’ve barely spoken to her since. One thing most people should know about me is that I hold a grudge like a motherfucker. I don’t take being hurt kindly, especially not by those closest to me.

I stride up the front stairs, quietly letting myself in through the front door, and make my way to the kitchen, where I know my mom will be waiting. On the way, I pass by a picture in the hall that stops me in my tracks. It’s a newer one of my brother and a stunning blonde, arm-in-arm on a beach. His eyes are light and happy, looking down at her with love. Hers mirror his, gazing up at him adoringly. Bile rises up my esophagus, and my throat feels like it’s closing.

What the fuck is this? Why does he deserve such happiness when I’m left in a pit of despair? Jealousy and anger hit me full force, and I take a deep breath to rein it in.

“That’s Rosalie Hale,” I hear Mom say from somewhere behind me. “He’s been seeing her for about six months. He’s even thinking about proposing.”

I let out an involuntary snort, which causes my mother to sigh.

“Edward, really,” she speaks softly, gently, as if I’m a caged tiger. “I wish you would see a professional to help you move past this. It’s not healthy, darling. Your brother made a mistake, and he’s regretted it every day since.”

“Really?” I ask, surprising even myself at the harshness in my tone.

“Edward Anthony,” she scolds, “don’t take that tone with me. I know you’re hurt, but there’s no reason to take it out on me.”

My head drops in shame. “I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper brokenly.

“Oh, baby,” she murmurs, wrapping her arms around my waist. “I wish I could take it back. Emmett wishes he could take it back. But none of us can; all we can do is come to terms with what happened.”

“Can we drop the subject, Mom? I didn’t come here to fight.”

She smiles sadly and tugs on my hand. “Sure, sweetheart. Come on, I made your favorite for lunch—stuffed shells.”

**~O.o.O~**

My father comes home less than an hour later, and we finish up lunch, talking about what’s been going on in our lives. They express their happiness that my job is going well and that I seem content. I mentally eye-roll at that one; I know they’re just placating me at that point. Thankfully, no  unexpected guests have shown up yet.

When I stand to clear the dishes, my mother shoos me away, suggesting that my father and I go  into his study. He pours us each a glass of brandy and motions toward the couch.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve come today, Edward. Your mother has been a wreck worrying about her sons.”

Not wanting a repeat of pissing off a parent, I choose to remain silent.

He sighs and looks me right in the eye before continuing. “She has good intentions, but trust me, I know she can be a pain in the ass.”

He takes me by surprise, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes.

“I know she means well, Dad, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

He nods thoughtfully. “I know, son. It’s a difficult position for all of us. She just wants you two to kiss and make up, and I can’t say that I blame her. You’re my children, and I love you both.”

He sits back and brings one ankle up to his knee. “That being said, I have no clue how I’d handle being in your shoes. I was cheated on by my high school sweetheart, and it hurt like hell. Now, if it had been my own brother who had been a part of it? Christ, I probably would’ve reacted the same way and beat his ass.”

This surprises me; I’ve never pictured my father as having a violent bone in his body. But I guess that just shows the power our hearts have over our actions. I don’t quite know how to respond to him, but I feel that honest, yet vague is my best option.

“I can’t give you a time frame on forgiveness, but I’m moving past this, Dad. It’s taking a while, but I’ll get there eventually.”

He smiles and winks. “That’s all I need to hear. I’ll do my best to keep your mother off your back.”

After saying goodbye and getting a massive hug from my mother, I spare another glance at the happy couple’s picture. Something about it burns a hole in my chest. The more I analyze the feeling, the more I realize that it’s jealousy and resentment. If anyone had told me eighteen months ago I’d be in this position—hating and missing my brother at the same time—I’d have laughed in their face. Emmett had always been my hero, and one of my closest confidants, but one roll in the sack with the woman I loved ripped all of that to shreds. At this point, I don’t know if our relationship will ever be salvageable.

Now here I sit at my desk, searching the Internet for Rosalie Hale. A plan is hatching slowly, but surely. I wonder how Emmett would feel if I took something precious from him. To find out that his brother seduced the woman he loved? I close my eyes and imagine the scenario clearly, walking up to her in some bar and buying her drink. I could charm her and make her forget all about my brother, I’m sure of it. My conscience starts shouting at me that this is madness, but in all honesty, it’s not like this is something I’m actually going to go through with.

After a quick Google search, I find a Rosalie Hale on Facebook who lives in Seattle. The dumb bitch’s page is open to everyone. I don’t know if it’s stupidity, naivety, or just plain arrogance on her part, but she really should keep her information more private. She’s tagged in picture after picture with my brother, their bodies always seem to be touching in a simple, yet loving way. I roll my eyes and forcefully shut my laptop.

I need to get out of here before I do something incredibly stupid. I throw on my jacket and head out to Full Moon for a drink...or a dozen.

The place is fairly busy for a weekend, and I find a seat at the bar. James sets a bottle of beer in front of me, shooting a quirked eyebrow in my direction.

“Fancy seeing you here on a Sunday, Eddie.”

Shrugging, I take a gulp of the amber liquid, letting it burn slightly on the back of my throat.

“You know, your girl was in here looking for you the other week.”

My heart starts to pound. Could it be? Considering that “the brunette” is the only woman James has ever commented on in casual conversation, irrational hope that he’s talking about her springs to life.

“Well, speak of the fucking Devil,” James murmurs, before walking away quickly.

A tingle runs up my spine, and my chest feels tight. There’s no fucking way. Is there?

I feel her hand touch my shoulder, and I know it’s her. I just know it. I take a deep breath, and turn in my seat. Her mahogany hair is loose around her shoulders, and her smile is shy and tentative. I can’t speak, I can’t think.

This moment has been in my dreams, and my nightmares.

“Hey,” she practically whispers, her nerves very apparent. I can’t pull my eyes away from her, and when she realizes I’m not going to say anything, she nods sadly. “I’m sorry, I guess this was a bad idea.”

I reach out and grab her hand as she turns to

leave. “Wait, please. I’m sorry, I was just shocked to see you. Would you like a drink?”

Her next words are either going to make me or break me. If she agrees, then I’m making damn sure not to let her out of my sight ever again.

She smiles brilliantly and nods. “I’d love nothing more.”

**~O.o.O~**


	5. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11632074@N03/31794821227/in/dateposted-public/)  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: [Runaway by Del Shannon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S13mP_pfEc)

 

 

**~O.o.O~**

 

We spend fifteen minutes in silence, nursing our respective drinks. I want to ask her why she left without speaking to me first, but it’s a stupid question. The Dear John note she left that morning made it pretty obvious she was only interesting in a one night stand. But, here she is, sitting next to me. Why? The question is burning on my tongue, but I can’t seem to form the words for fear that she’ll just disappear again.

She sighs, and it pulls my eyes to her face. I can’t help but to drink her in—the way her hair flows like silk, or the slope of her cheek and her button nose. She’s wearing a light amount of make-up, only soft coral on her lips, which is the complete opposite of my ex. That woman carried a ten pound cosmetic bag around with her.

“I guess you’re wondering why I’m here?” she asks softly, keeping her eyes downcast as she plays with a peanut shell on the bar top.

I swallow as I search for the right words. “I must admit that you’ve sparked my curiosity.” I’m trying to appear cool, calm, and collected, when in reality I am none.

She looks up, and I’m caught in her warm brown eyes like a deer in headlights. There’s a sadness there, and for some reason it makes my heart ache.

“That morning—” she stops, and a bright pink blush tinges her cheeks.

My cock hardens, remembering how her face turns that same shade as she climaxes.

“I was an emotional wreck, and I needed to clear my head. I never imagined that once I left, I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about you.”

She gives me a wry smile before running a hand through her hair. “I was hurt by my boyfriend, and I felt like I needed to prove something. And prove it I did,” she chuckles darkly. ”It was supposed to be a one night stand, something that I could just walk away from.”

Bella turns in her seat, facing me now, and I’m enraptured by her voice. “I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, but I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I didn’t try and find you again, to explain.”

My stomach twists nervously. “Is that all you wanted? To explain?” My voice is steady, but my hands start to feel clammy. I don’t know how I’d be able to take it if she enters my life again, just to saunter right back out of it. I’ve never wanted a connection with someone so bad before.

The right side of her mouth quirks up, and my heart beats faster as I realize she’s trying to fight a smile. This might be going in my favor after all.

“Honestly, Edward, I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I do know I wanted to see you again.”

I reach out and softly run my fingers up her neck until I’m cupping her cheek. “Want to get out of here and talk someplace more private?”

Her eyes darken slightly, and her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip. The sudden urge to bite it overwhelms me. Thankfully, she nods and puts me out of misery. I throw a few bills down on the bar, not even paying attention to the denomination. I have a feeling that James is going to have very good night in tips, though.

Her hand feels small as it’s encased in mine, but at the same time, it feels like a perfect fit. My need for her pulses just under my skin, and the feeling is much more welcome than the numbness I’d experienced before her. I wonder if I’m really ready to let someone in, without my issues ruining it, but I can’t ignore the way my pulses races around Bella. I don’t really think I want to.

We’re half-way to the exit when someone steps directly in front of us. I immediately recognize her tiny friend from the night we met. Her hair is now a brilliant shade of red, instead of the black it’d been before. She’s eyeing me warily, and annoyance lances through me. The last time we’d seen each other, this girl seemed sympathetic that Bella had tried to bail on me, and now she’s acting as if I were a predator.

Bella rolls her eyes and reaches out to touch her friend’s shoulder.

“Jane, knock it off. Weren’t you the one encouraging me to find him?"

Jane shakes her head and her stance relaxes, giving her friend a slight smile. “Fine, fine,” she murmurs before turning her gaze to me. “Don’t make me regret it. She’s like my sister, so don’t fuck her over.”

“I promise,” I reply, whole-heartedly. I have to admit that I’m a bit jealous. The only person who’d ever defended me like this is my brother, and our relationship is in the shitter right now.

Jane nods and gives her friend a swift hug before disappearing back into the crowd. Bella turns back to me and looks embarrassed.

“Sorry about that,” she murmurs.

I can’t help but to smile. I’ve only spent roughly twelve hours in this woman’s company, learning how she tastes and the way her body trembles when she’s excited, but there’s something more—something that calls to me, and I can’t quite put my finger on.

“It’s alright,” I assure her. “She’s only being a good friend. I admire that.”

Bella smiles before placing her hand back into mine, and I lead us to my car. The drive to my apartment is short, but filled with anticipation. My body is vibrating with the need to have her—touch her, taste her.

As soon my apartment door is closed, Bella pushes me up against it, and kisses me for all she’s worth. My hands automatically grip her hips, pulling against me. Somewhere in the back of my head, a voice is niggling for us to slow down, talk this out first. My body is acting on instinct, and I doubt I could stop if I really wanted to, but somehow she senses my hesitancy and sets my mind at ease.

“I promise I’m not going anywhere this time,” she whispers hoarsely against my lips.

And that quiet admission is all it takes to open the floodgates.  I hitch first one leg up to my waist, and then the other, before spinning us around and pressing her against the wall. She gasps and it goes straight to my cock, which I promptly press against her pussy, bringing forth a deep moan. We kiss desperately, along with a few minutes of grinding, before neither of us can take any more.

Our clothes are nothing but scraps on the floor by the time I grab a condom and bend her over the back of my couch, easing into her from behind. Fuck, she’s so wet and tight. It takes every ounce of inner strength I have not to blow my load right here and now. This isn’t going to last long, I know.

Squeezing the soft flesh of her ass, I pump my hips quickly, causing Bella to practically mewl. Leaning forward, I wrap a thick piece of hair around my fist, pulling back tight enough to arch her neck and back, but not enough to be painful. This pulls me much deeper, and I can feel her walls squeezing me. I’ve never felt anything as intense before; it’s mind-boggling.

When I feel her start to shiver, close to her own orgasm, I release her hair and start slamming into her body harder. The sight of this sexy woman, practically bent in half, her body manipulated by my hand, is an incredibly erotic sight; one that I hope to have burned into my memory. She cries out, burying her face into the cushions as she comes, and I can’t help but to fall over the abyss with her.

I gently collapse against her back, clammy with sweat, as I try to steady my weight on my forearms. After I catch my breath, I stand up and ease out of her slowly, before stepping away to dispose of the soiled condom. When I turn back around, she’s laying flat on her back across the length of my couch, with her eyes closed and small smile playing on her lips.

And not for the first time, I find myself captivated by her beauty. She’s not supermodel gorgeous, but she’s very pretty. Something tells me that she’s even more beautiful on the inside, and for the first time in a year, I actually want to get close enough to someone to find out. I swallow the lump in my throat, and feel my stomach burn with anxiety. It’s too soon; I shouldn’t be having these kind of thoughts. I’m not ready to move on yet. Do I even want to put myself out there again? If you’d have asked me earlier tonight, I’d have told told flat out no.

Bella opens her eyes and smiles shyly before sitting up and grabbing the blanket on the back of the couch. She wraps it around her shoulders, and curls one leg under her bottom before glancing my way and patting a spot on the couch next to her.

“I guess we should talk about everything?” she asks in a quiet voice, nervously biting her lip.

As I’m seeing her in this light, I can see she’s very different than the woman who I just plowed into a few minutes ago. The girl left in her place is shy and unsure of herself, making me wonder what her story was.

I pick up my boxers from the floor, before sitting down next to her.

“I think talking this through would be a good idea,” I reply simply, trying to leave the ball in her court.

She nods. “I want to start off by apologizing to you. I mean, I can give you every excuse in the book, but I still feel guilty for my actions. I came home early from work that day to find my boyfriend fucking my roommate. We started shouting and fighting and it got really ugly. He said some things that shattered my self-esteem and twisted me up. When I told Jane, she suggested we get drunk and prove Jacob wrong. Well, I had no intentions of doing anything other than getting drunk and trying to forget everything, but then you showed up. Jane kept trying to talk me into picking you up, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, but at the same time, something kept pulling me back to you.”

She takes a deep breath and wipes at her eyes. I’m biting my tongue as to not interrupt her story, but I so badly want to ask her just what he said to break her spirit.

“And then I went home with you and had the best sex of my entire life. I slipped out the next day because my mind was a mess and I had so much shit to deal with. Even as I packed up all of my stuff from Jacob’s later that day, I kept thinking about you, and playing our night over and over in my head. Instead of being heartbroken about being cheated on, I found myself just not giving a shit about the situation anymore. It was a life lesson that proved I wasn’t where I was supposed to be, and it saved me.”

She pauses and looks over at me, a sad smile on her face. “But then I couldn’t stop thinking about you and that night. I know, crazy, right?” She laughs humorlessly. “Silly Bella. First, you’re not good enough to keep your man faithful, and then you get caught up in a one night stand. Pathetic.”

Hearing her down herself annoys the shit out of me. “Cut it out.”

She glances at me in surprise. “What?”

“Cut out the derisive crap. That was one of the best nights of my life, too. Your idiot of a boyfriend is to blame there, not you. If he wasn’t happy, all he had to do was open his mouth, not his zipper. You aren’t pathetic.”

Her bottom lip shakes and she blinks away tears. “Thanks,” she whispers shakily.

Something in her tone makes me want to make her feel better. “I’m serious. I think I have you beat on the pathetic meter.”

Her eyes are curious, and I can’t believe I’m about to tell her something I barely admit to myself. “Little over a year ago, I walked in on my brother fucking my fiance and ever since I’ve taken to fucking a different girl who looks like her.”

Bella’s mouth pops open in surprise. “Oh, I see.”

“Except for you,” I quickly add, seeing the wheels begin to turn in her head.

She cocks her head slightly. “You mean I don’t fit the mold?”

Her quick mind is another thing I’m finding incredibly attractive about her.

“Yes, she was tall, with blond hair and blue eyes. Cold personality and kind of mean, looking back. I wish those were things I would’ve seen sooner.”

Bella nods thoughtfully. “Interesting...” she murmurs.

“See? I’ve cornered the market on pathetic,” I add, trying to lighten the mood.

She laughs and shakes her head. “How about we just move on from pathetic?”

I nod in agreement. “Where do we go from here?” I ask, desperate to have some kind of steady ground.

She bites her lip. “Well, I don’t think either one of us is ready for a relationship, but I know I could use a friend.”

“A friend?” I ask dubiously. The only friend I’ve had in years is Jasper, and I certainly don’t have the urge to burying my hands in his hair as he sucks my cock.

“Friend,” she replies, before adding with a wink, “with benefits.”

I raise an eyebrow in speculation. If I’m being honest, that’s the perfect solution. I can get closer, but not close enough to get burned, and still be able to fuck her senseless.

I hold out my hand, offering her a handshake to seal the deal. Again, I’m hit with the feeling of... rightness, as my hand encompasses her smaller one. I was right those few months ago, this girl is going to turn my world upside down.

The only difference is that this time, I’m ready and willing for it.

**~O.o.O~**


	6. Feel Good Drag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11632074@N03/31794821227/in/dateposted-public/)  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: [Feel Good Drag by Anberlin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4sqFmSqrSc)

**~O.o.O~**

Bella's ass rises off the mattress, and her moans sound like music to my ears. Even though we've seen each other a half dozen times since we made our "arrangement," I still can't get enough of her. I want to feel her legs wrapped around my hips, her lips against my own.

"Edward," she begs in a throaty voice, "harder, please!"

I can't deny her request even if I wanted to. This girl has me completely wrapped around her finger, and she doesn't even realize it.

I press her hips back down into the mattress, pounding harder, like she asked. A spike of pleasure shoots through my abdomen as I watch her eyes roll into the back of her head. Her breathing quickens, and her moans turn into incoherent noises, which push me into a frenzy.

"F-f-fuck," she groans as she convulses around my cock.

I speed up slightly, my balls ready to release their load, but her soft voice freezes me in my place.

"Come on my chest."

If I hadn't been about to blow before, I'm definitely ready when she says that. Right the fuck now. In this instance, I can't tell if the flush on her face is embarrassment for being so bold or from just having orgasmed. I'm not wasting the time to figure it out and quickly resume sliding in and out of her warmth.

At the last possible second, I pull out of her and quickly move up her body, whipping off my condom in the process. With one arm leaning against the wall and the other stroking my cock, I explode across her breasts, leaving a milky white trail against her skin. I close my eyes briefly, breathing in heavy pants. When I look into her eyes again, she's wearing a mischievous smile and absentmindedly running her index finger through the pearlescent cum on her chest.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you?" I ask, trying to catch my breath.

She licks her lips and winks. "But what a way to go?"

With a short laugh, I let my body fall on the bed next to her as she leans over and picks up a discarded piece of clothing from the floor to wipe off her chest. When she's finished, Bella lays her head against my shoulder.

"Any plans for today?" she asks in a quiet voice.

It's a bright and sunny Saturday morning, the first I've woken up with her in my bed since that first time months ago. I shrug lightly, knowing she can feel the movement.

"Not really. You?"

She shakes her head and the air gets heavy with unspoken words. Except for our first tryst, things have never been awkward between us. It's an odd feeling. I don't like it.

"Do you think… Maybe we could... Never mind." She cuts herself off before finishing the thought.

"What? What would you like to do?" I ask as I turn to lie on my side, gazing at her face. The apples of her cheeks are slightly pink, and her dark russet hair is deliciously disheveled around her shoulders. At that moment, I think I would do anything to ease her discomfort.

"I was wondering if maybe we could enact the friend part of our relationship. I mean, the benefits part has been spectacular, but I'd like to hang out sometime away from your bed, maybe do something fun." She laughs lightly, and the sound makes my heart swell.

I should say no. This is supposed to be uncomplicated sex, but the more time I spend around Bella, the more I  _want_  her to complicate my life. It's dangerous, especially when I'm still harboring feelings for another woman. Because try as I might, as angry as I feel about what happened, I still love my ex. I could never trust her or be involved with her again, but she still owns my heart. Yet, with all of that rolling around in my head, I still nod and agree.

"That sounds like a plan. Any ideas? Do you bowl? Maybe we could get some lunch first, then try out the new place on Fifth."

Her eyes light up and I can't help smiling. "That sounds perfect. Do you think I could use your laptop while you get ready? I want to catch up on a couple of work emails real quick."

"Sure, go right ahead."

She leans over and picks up my shirt, only buttoning a few in the middle before sauntering out of the room. Stretching my arms over my head, I stand and head down to the bathroom. I'm mid-piss when I remember the background on my laptop. "Shit." I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist before jetting into the living room. She's sitting on my couch, staring at the picture of a platinum blonde with ice blue eyes. Bella's warm brown eyes meet mine, and there's an emotion in there that I can't quite decipher, but it tugs at something in my chest.

"This is the ex, I'm assuming?" she asks softly.

"Yes." I nod. "Her name is Tanya. We met freshman year at college. She was beautiful, intelligent, and perfect." I couldn't keep the scorn out of my voice even if I had wanted to. "At least that's what I thought back then. We'd been together officially for five years and engaged for six months the day I came home early from a conference to find her and Emmett together in our bed."

I try to swallow down the pain that lodges itself in my throat as Bella gazes at the picture on the screen in front of her.

"Hmm," she murmurs. "Yet you still have her picture set up so that you see her every time you open this?" She sounds so sad, and the last thing I want from her is her pity, so I try to make light of the situation.

"I guess that makes me a masochist," I say with a chuckle. She meets my eyes and gives me a sad smile. I don't know why it matters so much, but suddenly I want Tanya's picture gone. I walk over and sit next to her on the couch, gently taking the laptop from her hands. With a few clicks, the background is changed to a night sky view of stars.

"You didn't have to do that," she says softly, but her eyes betray her.

I lean forward and cup her cheek gently with my palm, angling her face toward mine. "I wanted to," I whisper against her lips, just before touching them in a gentle kiss. I've never kissed Bella before without it being a part of sex, so this is an entirely new experience. Something flutters in my chest, and as I pull away, I look down to see her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips.

Awkwardly, I jump to my feet and back away. I feel like a cornered animal for some reason. I need to take a step back and compose myself before I say or do anything stupid. "Um, okay, then. I'm just going to shower real quick. Then do you want to use it? Or stop by your place to get changed?"

Bella looks slightly confused, and I honestly can't blame her. I don't want to come across as hot and cold, but I also don't want to lead her on. As much as I may want to move on past Tanya, I know I'm not there yet. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us starting a romantic relationship with baggage still attached.

"We can swing by my apartment on the way, if that's okay." She shakes her head slightly before clicking away on my laptop. I take that as my cue to leave and head into the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later I'm wandering around Bella's tiny apartment that she shares with her friend, Jane. It's two bedrooms, one bath, and has the smallest kitchen I've ever seen. But it's cozy and warm, much like Bella herself. Unlike my sterile apartment, there are pictures everywhere here. I'm browsing some on her bookshelf when I'm drawn to one in particular.

There's a framed photo of Bella with three men, two older and one around her age. It's clear that one of the men is her father; their resemblance is too striking. The other two look like father and son as well. Both Indigenous with long black hair, the only difference is the older one is seated in a wheelchair.

"That was taken on my eighteenth birthday. Jake and I had just told our parents we were going to be moving in together while I went to college upstate. They were already best friends, so they were thrilled that their kids would be together."

I looked over to the doorway where Bella is leaning. She smiles and walks over to take the photo from my hands. "I almost smashed the shit out of this the night I walked in on him and Angela screwing around. I'm glad I didn't."

She must see the confusion written across my face.

"I guess you're wondering why, huh? We were best friends growing up. Our father's had us coupled up all of the time since they were best friends themselves, and we just grew into our relationship. Everyone expected it anyway, so I just went along with it even though I knew I didn't love him like I was supposed to."

"Supposed to?"

"I wasn't really attracted to him. Sure, he's handsome, but my heart didn't flutter when I was around him. It was more friendship than a passionate love."

"Is that how love is supposed to feel? Like fluttering?" She looks at me strangely, and I regret putting my thoughts into words.

"Crazy love, yes," Bella replied with conviction. "It's supposed to feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, like it hurts to be away from them for too long. You want only them, and anyone else is just a poor substitute. They make you mad; they make you laugh and cry and forget all of the bad shit going on around you." She taps her chest. "I want that. Someday. And I'm pissed that I let myself settle for less than that."

She's so beautiful when she's passionate about something. She's like that when she's talking about work at the newspaper or when I'm playing her body like a violin. Although I much prefer the latter, any time I see her like that ignites something in me, but I force myself to tamp it down. I can't give her that, so why does she still want to be around me? Unless it really is all about sex to her, and that thought depresses me a little. Nevertheless, I shake it off and decide to have fun with her today. There's time enough for the heavy stuff when I'm alone and in my own head space. Sometimes, that's not a good thing.

She shakes her head and places the frame back on the shelf. "Enough of that bullshit. I'm starving. Shall we?" She gestures toward the door and I comply easily. I want to leave the heavy conversation behind as eagerly as she does. I resolve to empty my mind and heart of anything non-Bella related for the rest of the day. I want nothing more than to enjoy her company, light-hearted and free, for as long as possible.

I just hope it'll be enough.

**~O.o.O~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One through Chapter Five, this story was beta'd by an amazing fandom friend named Ysar. She also made it's great banner! Since I fell away from writing for a few years, I lost touch with many people. I adored her and hope she's doing well! 
> 
> Chapter Six was beta'd by Chaya Sara, who has also been awesome to me. <3


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